I’ve had tumblr for awhile but I decided to start this food/weight loss blog under a new name because I am not comfortable with my real life friends and family reading about my thoughts and progress regarding losing weight.
I’m 21.
Height: 5’10” (177.8 cm)
I’ve stopped weighing myself because it makes me self-destruct and obsess. I’d say 150-155.
Other details about me: I am a college student and athlete, and so I have fairly intense practices 5-6 days a week. Lack of exercise is not the issue (except for the fact that since I already am so used to exercise, it doesn’t burn as many calories for me as it does for, say, someone just starting out, which is annoying).
Overeating is my problem. I am an emotional eater, stress eater, and due to some very unique circumstances I developed an eating disorder this past spring. I lost 20 lbs in about 3 weeks, and it nearly killed me. I was eating 500 calories a day WHILE doing two workouts a day.
Half of my hair fell out as a result over the summer, and that’s what shocked me into realizing what I had actually put my body through. I was sick even after I stopped restricting calories—my digestive system did not return to normal until a full month after I began eating like a regular person again.
Since then I have had mental and emotional issues regarding my body. Mainly I have lost all of my self-confidence and I feel like the only way I can regain it is by losing weight.
There’s all this talk on tumblr about doing it the “healthy way” versus the “unhealthy way”. I did it the “unhealthy way” this past spring, and now I am trying to lose weight the “healthy way,” even though, strangely, I do not need to lose weight for health reasons. I am not overweight nor have I ever been overweight. I am just insecure.
I know all these things rationally, as I am generally a rational, evidence-based person (I am a science major at a Top 10 U.S. college) but I cannot change my mindset. I recognize exactly what is wrong with me psychologically, but I can’t convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me. I cannot stop being unhappy when I look in the mirror.
I’m tracking calories and (still) exercising regularly. I’m going to use this to post pictures of food, ideas for food, exercise thoughts, and just vent about my disordered state of mind.
Since my eating disorder I have not been able to look at food or my body the same way again, and I’m not sure how I will ever fix it.
